Danger Music Helps

Collection by Harry Garside

24 
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"A blog ... or is it..." "Yes .. it is... it just... isn't about anything... other than Craig Charles..." "But it has funny pictures and stories which I find hilarious" "Well thank you anonymous adoring fan. Mind if I quote this for my pinterest board?" "Your wha_" "Byeeeeeeeeeee!......"

Nerd Fact Of The Time Period! : Lizards

Welcome back useless information sponges for another exciting edition of Nerd Fact Of The Period! ♪♫NERD FACT OF THE TIME PERIOD! ♪♫ (I am aware this jingle doesn't translate through text so to help you the tune is DOO-BE-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOOOOBEDOO. Pretty sure that explains it accurately) How many eyes do lizards have? Two I hear you say... Then I laugh in your face whilst wearing my giant novelty nerd glasses! Lizards actually have three eyes. The Parietal eye is located on top of the head…

The Longest Joke I Know

This is the longest joke I have ever had the pleasure to recite. I have tried to adapt it to be applicable to all peoples, religions and time frames of the Earths history. [NOTE: This joke is intentionally very, very, very long winded. You will not enjoy the start middle or end of it, the middle is especially tedious. I recommend frequent toilet and tea breaks to make the experience more manageable. If you don't think you will need the toilet, then please drink tea frequently for the hours…

Coaster Comics 3: Basking Shark

First of all... What the hell is 'Cool Original' flavour? You can't just not say what flavour something is because it is too awesome a secret. I couldn't start selling 'Mega Awesome' soup and just not disclose what was in it because then everyone could make 'Mega Awesome' soup. I wouldn't mind if it were a flavour that I could actually figure out myself. There would actually be some sort of entertainment value to the challenge. But as far as I have tried the best description of 'Cool…

Fish Made Me Broke

I have many flaws, some that I am able to control more than others. When it comes to hobbies ... I think I may have a real problem. I never actively seek out new hobbies, they are usually thrust upon me. My brain latches on to new things and a strange sense of what is either blind ambition or misplaced confidence gradually removes control of my actions from the more reasonable part of my brain. The first move my hobby addicted brain makes is to place the new activity at an indefensibly high…

Nerd Fact Of The Time Period : Jellyfish

If you are like me, and I know I am, then you think jellyfish are awesome. However if you are one of the many people who is not me, then jellyfish probably resemble some alien semi-invisible harbingers of death that should be eradicated or tortured until we can discover who sent them. I am here today not to make you fall in love with these transparent death-bots but at the very least appreciate that they are pretty darn remarkable, in this episode of..... ♪♫NERD FACT OF THE TIME PERIOD! ♪♫…

Seasons greetings!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! I know it's now January but the Christ-Moose has a different understanding of time to you and considers it to still be Christmas as my tree is still stood in my living room. As well as this, 'New-Year' doesn't produce characters as good as the Christ-Moose. (By the way if you ever watch songs of praise (British people), which I don't, but I sat through once upon a time, the fancy churchy latin singing folk totally pronounce it christ-moose, and it filled me with…

Humanity v2.0 : Tails

Two posts in a month!? I'm on fire! As humans we must surely be able to look around at our Nutella, our languages, opposable thumbs, and those rugs which seem far softer than it would be possible for anything to be, and think we couldn't possibly be any more awesome. So I have compiled some notes on where humans and society can be made cooler. Most will be impossible to implement without aggressive invasive surgery and/or some sort of revolution.... probably a violent one. But I don't think…

A Game of Shark

Who needs board games or video games when you can just imagine things and laugh at them? I give you the game of SHARK! [Note: I did not create this game, nor do I know who did, it was introduced to me by a friend who had it introduced to them. I assume this chain continues back to the first caveman with a film collection and a grasp of the word shark. Bless that man] The object of the game is to cause as much laughter as possible by taking the name of a film and replacing a single word with…

Not A Real Post, Just Selling My Soul

Follow my blog with Bloglovin That is a code to register my code on Bloglovin.com. As much as this besmirches the clearly impeccable image that my blog already holds, it must be done because actually I do just want this blog to make me feel successful and important. If you are reading this after seeing my blog on bloglovin, then clearly I am some sort of blog Richard Branson and this was an awesome idea. Please don't think that this post represents my blog though... there's usually some sort…

The Coffee Scale

Ever since I discovered coffee in the late 17th century I have spent a great amount of time drinking it. As with keeping fish (again new readers, you have no idea what I am referencing, please consult one of my original readerss, who are better than you), discovering a drink as powerful as coffee was only ever going to end in extreme abuse of these powers. Through my own lack of control I have therefore discovered the many stages and abilities that coffee is able to grant to a person, and I…

Nerd Facts 4! : ATTWSABNAETNBE! That's the only way I could shorten it into a reasonable title...

All the coolest people die young unless they are one of the many many exceptions that don't. I'm sure the same applies to animals. Therefore I bring you the Nerd Fact Of The Time Period! This time celebrating Awesome-Things-That-Were-Super-Awesome-But-Not-Awesome-Enough-To-Not-Be-Extinct. Now I know you all love dinosaurs (If you don't love dinosaurs, please leave) but everyone knows about them. This wouldn't be an awesome nerdfact if I didn't attempt to find some new unknown awesome things…

Mystery of the Rambalam

We all know and love 'Black Betty', the classic tune made famous by such artists as Ram Jam, Tom Jones and Spiderbait, played across the world at birthdays, weddings, funerals and other important events in our lives. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R044sleOW6I But what is a 'rambalam'? Sounding like a catchphrase that belongs alongside 'yabadabadoo!' and repeated so often that one could assume the writers were encouraged to reinforce the phrase as much as possible by some outside force…

Coaster Comics 4!

So it's time for one of those posts where I have some pictures lying around but they're not really ones I can put into a story or narrative... So I have to wait until I have a few and them put them together in a comics collection post under the illusion that this somehow counts as still having worked really hard on writing a good blog post. Works for me! I'm going to chalk this day down as being 'abnormally productive'. Well here goes. This is what I imagine when I hear that song on the…

Seriously I can't draw Craig Charles

Do you ever look back on something you have said and think "I'm pretty sure that sentence has never been said by anyone ever" ? I love when that happens. You feel like you have created something unique, and you now win at language and have earned yourself a bounty bar (bounty bars are the perfect prize treat to keep around because nobody else likes bounty bars). That is also exactly the sort of tiny victory that I need to convince myself that I have had a productive day. It has to be…

I Know How I Will Probably Die

I have anosmia, which means I have no sense of smell. I do not have animism, which spell check thinks I meant to say. Frankly I am insulted that blogspot refuses to recognize my affliction. Before you ask me any questions about this. Here is the conversation I have to have at some point with everyone I know. Person: Hey smell this (Offering to generously share their wonderful experience with me) Me: Oh.... no it's ok I can't smell Person: (assuming I simply have a cold or something) Oh no go…

The death of a [insert compliment] man

Scratch that. This is probably death approaching

I'm just trying to be healthy!!! Remember how I posted the coffee scale and I was all like 'oh hey guys let's go drink a fuck tonne of coffee and get super buzzed until we can stop time and spit coffee grains from our ears!' Well, as totally harmless as all that sounded I have recently had a growing suspicion that my intake of caffeine may be at an unhealthy level. The clues that pointed towards this included about as many trips to the toilet a day as Craig Charles has pictures drawn of him…