Nightmare
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Based on how I react when toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion. Funny Pictures Of The Day – 65 Pics

Haha. I could so see my Dad doing this. LMAO

I told my friend "before I die I want my last words to be 'I left a million dollars under the.' Then he said "the what?" I said "One minute, I have to die first." He said "oh, okay. How long will that take?" I replied "not really sure.

LITERALLY laughed out loud... Until you got slapped!!!

This is funny! However since I'm a funeral director, I want to be CLEAR - I don't do this!this is FUNNY! 34 Funny Quotes about Life (Slightly Sarcastic)

Exactly LOL

Yes. A walk in the woods helps me relax and release tension. The fact that I am dragging a body should be entirely irrelevant.

Identity theft

As a young child my mother told me I can be anyone I want to be. Turns out this is called identity theft.

then I proceed to giggle like I'm 5

"I didn't do it." Dustin raises his hands in innocence. "You didn't set the bomb in the boiler room?" the guard raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Oh wait THAT.yes I did do THAT.