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I+had+a+wet+dream+about+you+ last+night.+You+got+hit+by+a+car and+I+pissed+myself+laughing.

I was walking by this guy I hate and he goes "Did you just swear?" And I turn to him and go "How about I break off your legs and shove them up your ass?" He just walked away with a weird face and my friend comes up to me and she's like "What's up with him?"And I say "I have no fuckin' idea!"

If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it up and shove it up your ass.

rottonecards | Rotten eCard. | Damaged But Not Destroyed

Look officer, I'm not being a smartass. All I'm sayin' is, if you caught me then you were speeding too.


Wedding Worries: What I'm Stressing Over and What I'm Letting Go

My wedding will have an open bar. In the words of a friend,"You're a bitch if you don't have an open bar at your wedding.