It's hard for me to love myself when my own mother despises me. It's difficult to comprehend how a mother can choose to hurt her offspring rather than love us. This fact makes learning to love myself the hardest thing I've ever done.
You don't even think you need forgiven but I'm working towards that. Respect is another issue completely. Maybe someday you will change and apologize for all the damage you have done but it will take a long time to earn my respect again.