I don't like making plans for the day, because then the word premeditated gets thrown around in the courtroom.

...deciding where to bury you...

Four out of five voices in my head think you're an idiot. The other one, is deciding where to bury you.

Church Curmudgeon's photo.

They call it a "selfie" because "narcissistie" is too hard to spell. Says, " I'm not full of myself" posts a selfie or 10 daily


If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whos funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, I haven't decided yet.

40 OF THE FUNNIEST QUOTES EVER – In the dark, no one can see me eat, and I like it that way.

Mine would be an inferior snack today FT xxx or, "zombie's eat brains, so I think it's safe to say you're not in any danger.

Who hasn't done this! LOL

I don't pretend to be anything I am not. Except for sober, I 've pretended to be sober a few times.

#AlmondMilk vs #NuttJuice  hmmm

I bet the reason it's called "Almond Milk" is because no one could every say "Nut Juice" and keep a straight face. Funny Pictures Of The Day - 50 Pics

funny quotes about stupid people

funny quote have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered who ties your shoelaces for you