Oh, well I shouldn't get attached to book characters then. <-- also me but I have a real person in mind too 😔 I was honestly completely in love with him and he felt the same way but now we don't even talk. But I still love him.
You had that and he was the one you said God brought to you and that you loved whole heart and soul. You threw him away for a thug only Satan would bring to you, someone God clearly and repeatedly throughout His word tells you not to be with!