2 Django Reinhardt, Last Cat Standing ... or is he?
The story of Django Reinhardt, rising music star, his friend Jessie and Hungarian cousin Lalo-Max, as they try to survive Django's stalker, the mad psycho slasher and The Midwich Cuckoos, aided by body guard John Barry and Jerry Jerry. Can they all survive? Or will Django Reinhardt really be Last Cat Standing?.
[Opening scene] Django Reinhardt, Mercury-winning cat, on the phone to his record company. 'Yes, I like the album cover ... The stalker? Ye-es, I am taking it seriously. Anyway, you said he's harmless... What bomb? Bomb? You didn't mention THAT! ... No, I don't need a minder. What you've hired one? John Barry... Expect him today?... And he's what? ... Well. That'll be interesting.'
Django awakes to find himself in a place he doesn't recognise. As his eyes adjust to the strange light, he realises that he's in a box, no - a cage. Then he hears the gentle padding of paws on wood and his heart begins to race.
Django roaming the house] 'Jessie. Jess where are you? It's not funny.
[Scene 2, cont] Django leads a sleepy Lalo-Max into the garden to introduce him to his friends. Jessie J has disappeared and John B? Well he's obviously taking his guard duties seriously. 'OY!' Django yells. 'Get up you lazy sod!... Where's Jessie? Have you upset her? ... You didn't bite her?'
[Scene 2, Django's in the front room] After unsuccessfully calling Lalo-Max, Django jumps up onto the table to watch for his cousin. Where is Lalo-Max? After fruitless minutes, Django begins to get worried. He's just about to go out to find his young cousin when he spies him. He's right in front of him.
[Scene, 1; last scene. Django looking irritated] 'Oy you two, can it. You're meant to be helping Jess. You know I told Aunt Helga I'd take care of my cousin... Yes, yes, JB, I know you wanted me to cancel him but Lalo-Max is hardly stalker material, apart from the fact he speaks Hungarian and can barely speak, let alone write English. Look – I'll find out where he's got to, while you set the table, Jess. JB, make yourself useful and hang those stars up in the trees. Go on!'
[Scene 1; cont, Jessie J pretending to look dejected] 'Oh JB, It was a joke. All I want to do is play ball. Come on, now...', she shouts after him as he turns his back on her, stalking up the garden to sit in the tree.
[Scene 1, cont; cut to Django's guest trots into the garden, Django following more slowly] 'John Barry this is my friend Jessie J. She wants to help out … No, of course she won't eat you!... You won't, will you, Jess?... Er, she's joking, John. [Aside in a stage whisper] You are, aren't you?...' They both laugh as John Barry scurries away to a safe distance.
cut from Django running down the stairs to John Barry in the garden munching nuts] 'I'm not worried,' John B mutters under his breath as he crunches his nuts - almonds no less that Django's roasted. 'Easiest gig I've had all summer.
[Scene 1; after opening credits with Bernard Hermann-psycho-esque music gently playing in background; credits fade] Django's looking out of the window down into garden. He's very still, watching the birds that seem to be amassing in the old oak tree in the next garden.
[Scene 1, cont; John Barry, now at a safe distance from the dog and cat, squares up] 'You really don't want to get into it with me, luv', John Barry rasps at Jessie J. 'I'm trained to kill.' He ignores their sniggers. Little do they know...